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Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Dear Emily,
  It does give me hope.  I feel fulfilled when I see those first smiles of the morning and then it kind of goes downhill from there.  My little love is a morning person and the mornings are so beautiful. I let her talk for a bit in her crib, then go in and check on her and then she gifts me with this huge grin.  I love that she's happy to see me. Then we nurse and snuggle and if all goes the way I like it to, we settle down for a morning nap.
  Then at about two o'clock things change. She gets fussy and I get tired and nothing is getting done.  Nothing but the housework that I get done with her head on my shoulder... her favorite place to be.
   I have been making things in my head.  I have a beautiful pillow for my glider that would just about finish the nursery and its killing me to not be able to make it.  I could do it when she's napping, but that's a good time to eat that meal that has gotten cold or take a shower or get the house looking decent.  I also play around a little bit with my paint, nothing serious. Who has time to tear paper and really think about what they're doing? And as for graphic design... that is but a distant memory.  I know who I am and I know I need to touch tangible materials when I make.  I need to feel the cotton or get paint on my hands or graphite all over me. Remember those days in art school? I was the really messy one... the one who thought that I wasn't working hard enough if I wasn't covered in pencil. If that is true, then I am working hard now, covered in milk instead of paint.
   As for the things you wrote of in your previous letter, I support you! I can't wait to see your Etsy shop and what you do. You can so do this. I am excited to see where this next year takes us, Clara in her toddler years, Julie working her way through her first.
   Thank you so much for your encouraging letters. They make my heart happy and they're good for my soul.  The amazing care package that I received was also good for my soul. That was the best package that I have ever received. Everything was so beautiful and perfect, made with love and thoughtfulness.  I am so thankful for your friendship. Some days our Skype dates keep me sane.
  So it's time to reevaluate the things that fulfill me. It may not be productivity, but instead a napping baby on my chest because I already feel that slipping away.  It is a marriage to a man that loves me no matter how how hard I am to love. It is my family and the opportunity that I have to serve them.  It is friendships, both old and new, that support me and keep me balanced and grounded.  It is God that I talk to in the hard moments of nursing, things that draw me closer to Him than ever before.  And it is chocolate milk shakes and a magazine in the quiet moments.
   On that note, I must go and make use of this nap time.
Love, Jennifer

1 comment:

  1. You hit it right on the head. New fulfillments,and expectations must come with new roles.

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