Dear Emily, Love Jen

Dear Jen,

Are you exhausted and always busy, but not always fulfilled? I know. I've been there. I'd like to say I'm not there right now, that it passes. But I think life as a mother to these little ones is always a bit frazzled. I remember when you were pregnant and we were talking about how I'd taught myself a good deal of graphic design, you said you'd learn it when you had a more time as a mother to a newborn. I smiled a quiet smile, and tucked away that thought for later. When Clara was an infant, there were so many naps, but never enough time to be creative. I'd beg Dan to watch her for a few hours while I'd run upstairs and sew something frantically, or write a quick post and edit picture rather than take a shower. Finding time is so hard. Finding energy is even harder. Sometimes you want to fill those free minutes with the most frivolous TV show, jcrew.com window shopping, or Skype with a long distance friend. Those things are still important. Being productive is not always the end goal right now. It's being fulfilled. Can you sketch and plan and read? Can you make things in your mind? I did that a lot. I had ideas and dreams, and my mind was active and creative. I didn't give up on myself, and now, occasionally I have a little time and enough energy to do a thing or two for myself, and now and then there is something productive at the end of the day. Does that give you any hope?

Love,

Emily