Dear Jen, Grasp...

Dear Jen,

I'm grasping to every little, precious moment with my Clara. I'm grasping to keep her young and sweet and so in love with me. I'm afraid, so afraid, she'll turn into me someday. Turn into my ungrateful example of a daughter. My mother is the sweetest, most generous loving woman. I'm not as good to her as I hope Clara will be to me. I think about how I treated her as a middle schooler. I imagine how that must have felt as a mother. Clara rolling her eyes as me? God no, please don't let her be like me. I'm grasping to her perfection right now, loving who she is in all her sincerity. Hoping we can keep this bond, hoping I can be as good to her as my mother is to me.

I'm grasping to my individuality. Trying to find out who I am outside of mother and wife. Wanting to keep my creativity. Trying to do it all.

I'm grasping to my youth, my health, wanting my skin to be young, my body to be thin, to be 21; but never to have be that young again. Hoping I will age gracefully, but not looking forward to these next two birthdays.

I'm grasping on to God, and His love.
Grasping for His grace.
Knowing despite everything, I am enough for Him, enough for Clara, enough for Dan.

Love,
Emily


5 minutes of writing on the topic of "Grasp"
Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker