Dear Jen

Dear Jen,

I know you are having your own personal battle with nursing right now. I get that, I really do. Even if it starts easy, they can change so quickly, get better again, be impossible, then wonderful. Nursing is not always the easy path. What you have done for your little Julie is so important for her. No matter how long it lasts, it is so special. I'm thinking of you, and praying it gets better.

I've had my own struggles with weaning. Clara has always been the type of kid who could care less how she got her milk, or where it came from, or what it tasted like, or what temp it was. She's just not a picky kid. So weaning was pretty much a cinch. She was thrilled about the endless supply of cows milk, and it happened naturally. When she started walking, I just couldn't keep her still for long enough to nurse. So it happened, and I had little to say about it.

It made me so sad. I actually googled post-weaning depression. It exists of course. I even considered relactation. Is my crazy really coming out now? So I've gained weight, lost that special bond, and had a mood downer. I've pulled myself out of it pretty well. But I feel a jealous twinge in my heart when I hear other kids her age are still nursing 10 times a day. But then, there is freedom, and she is happy, and we are busy. We nursed for 14 months. How could I really be upset about that? I am finally needing less coffee. I'm down to a 1/2 cup a day from my 2 cups I've been pulling for the last year. It's good to not be dependent on that anymore. Eating 1800-2000 calories a day has been awfully fun, but MyFitnessPal is becoming my friend again, 'cause seeing 1 lb/day add up on the scale is really frightening.

So for the first time in almost 2 years, I am not pregnant or nursing. It's a bit of a lonely feeling. But she kisses me without prompt, and says thank you, runs to me with open arms, and hugs my legs. So, lonely is relative. I am blessed, and full of all this love for her. That bond is not gone, it was solidified the moment we met. No nursing or lack of nursing will take that away.

Love,
Emily