Dear Jen,
Someone asked me today if you were the only one who writes on this blog. Do I ever write back? But we promised ourselves we'd write when we were moved, when we had something to say. I suppose that's today.
I'm not going to count the days and unanswered letters in between. But your thoughts have been mine. Your thankfulness for new mornings, your love of and desire for sleep, your hopes of routine and tradition, I nod as I read. I fail everyday, and start a resolution every morning. I'm sinking into deep winter sleeps, losing productivity while gaining renewal. I'm reflecting on every moment I spend with Clara, and wondering how it will affect her in the future.
That's the one that is moving my heart most often.
How am I shaping who she will become?
That's where so much of this self reflection stems from.
I have this little person, this student of life; my Clara.
She is watching me everyday. She is learning how to live life.
Will I be the person I want her to be?
Will I show her how to love and have patience and generosity?
Will I display a strong, confident and beautiful woman?
Am I the best example of a role model for my most precious gift?
These questions weigh heavy on my mind. They push me everyday to look inside my heart, to find what is not healthy, what is not beautiful, and to work it out of my life.
Do you find yourself working through anything like this?
Love,
Emily
Your letter reminds me of a quote and a verse.
ReplyDelete"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates
And:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart: Try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." Ps 139: 23,24(ASV)
Allowing God to show us where He wants to grow and transform us leads to life. It's not always easy, but when we surrender to that process, the result is so beautiful. Clara is blessed to have a mommy who does this!