Dear Jen, Welcome....

Dear Jen,

Welcome to my life.

Your last letter is right on target for me. I know we've talked it over a thousand times, probably too many times in this little correspondence, but we are so obviously in the middle of "creating ourselves."

I have those big plans like you do too. I want to be photographer, painter, ceramic artist, Graphic designer, crafter extraordinaire. I wish I were a yogi, triathlete, top selling agent, famous blogger. I want to be organized, and spontaneous, creative and stable. I wish I were well read, and witty, respected and the life of the party.

What I'm realizing lately, is that I'm a little bit of all of these things, but never going to be perfectly any of them. I'm trying to learn how to let go of some of the expectation and pressure I put on myself. I'm hoping to simplify my life a little by cutting out the excess, and focusing on the few things that really mean something.

So, I'm not a seamstress, and I'm cutting out silly crafts. I'm a simplest in the kitchen, and will admit my house is never going to be perfect or really that clean (ugh?). I'm humbled to realize I will never be the best dressed, and I cannot be a full studio artist in every sense of the word.

Though it's sad to say goodbye to some dreams; it's wildly freeing to say no to the things that don't mean much to me, and focus on the things that do. I'd rather be good at a few things than mediocre at everything.

So I'm saying welcome to my life, I'm hoping it will be a lot less cluttered.

Love,

Emily

My five minute take on the topic "welcome"
Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker's 5 minute Friday

image found here by Haptic Lab

Dear Emily,
   I have been having some serious quilting withdrawals and I think I am getting ready to start a small one.  The love is getting a little less demanding and with Travis gone a ton of the time, I think I might be able to pick up a little bit of sewing here and there.  I have been seriously inspired by some of Camille Roskelley's quilts and color ways and also these soft map quilts by Haptic Lab. I love, love them! I would love to see what I can do with both of those inspirations as a jumping off point.  I try drawing and always seem to come up with things that are really contrived. I am not the same person that I was in grad school, but if I can come up with an awesome baby quilt for a friend or a wall quilt that I would actually hang in my home, I think I am all over that... maybe eventually, they will become more like my drawings of the past... I love the idea of a soft quilt drawing.  Something tangible and more welcome in my world than a pristine, undented piece of paper. I need washable and crinkly quiltiness here. What do you say?  I think it sounds lovely!

How is your Etsy shop endeavor coming? I can't wait to see what you have been dreaming up and how it comes to fruition.  Let's see a peek, shall we?

Love, Jen

Dear Jen

Dear Jen,

Do you ever struggle with self doubt?

I've been dealing with a strange combination of confidence and doubt. All summer I've felt a distinct surge in motivation and confidence. I've had a deep desire to be fulfilled creatively, and to have success in my career. I worked and worked and created something I'm proud of in my art. I'll look it over and be pleased, and know there are improvements to be made. But I feel satisfaction and pride in what I've accomplished.

Then doubt creeps in.

It's not just in art. It's in work, and parenting, and relationships. There is this pattern of confidence and success, and simultaneous apprehension and feelings of insufficiency.

It's as if I feel I don't deserve to be sure of myself. I cannot bare rejection.

The real question is, why do I care? Who is it that I am so worried about? Whose opinion is so important to me?

So I'm working on:

Keeping the confidence God is giving me.

Deciding I deserve it.

Not comparing myself to everyone.

Seeing myself through God's eyes.

Learning to move forward and accomplish something.

Finding my bravery, so I can have a little adventure in my life.

Love,
Emily

Dear Jen,

Packages from friends are so special. I was wrapping up my own little, late package for you and your Julie today. There is always so much more I want to do before I send it out. More little touches I want to add to the special things I  am sending your way.

I know how you feel about that carpe diem feeling. I am there big time right now. Feeling like every nap is a race to get my chores done, put my hours (minutes) in for work, and BE CREATIVE. That one is calling me big time.

The logic of, If I don't draw, I die. Is very real with me. Our style and process are so different, but I think our urgency is the same. I am committing myself to starting a business. August is for renewal, not just making plans, but accomplishing goals. I want to start an Etsy shop. I hope you're not eye rolling too much over there.

I have so much I want to make. It's not like art school though, it's not just making and making and no product. I want to start with the product and make and make and have a customer and get it out there. Do you relate to this at all? I have to get over myself and move forward with doing. I'm so judgemental. About sold "art". I'm always thinking, that is not good, or I could do better, or how are they so successful? Well they did it! They believed in themselves rather than just watching and critiquing others silently. How many times have I been told I should sell this or that, and I think, it's not ready. Well it's never going to be ready, and I'm never going to get anywhere if I don't start now. By end of August, I want one product complete. I think that's doable. And exciting. There are a lot of changes going on around here, things I'll tell you about another time, but this one is big in my heart, and I hope you support me in it.

Tell me what you want to make. Have any sketches to share?

The above is a snippet from a fabric I'm designing, nothing to sell, just to keep my creative mind busy.


Love,

Emily