Dear Jen, Good Night Moon.

Pictures from July 2012

Dear Jen,

You asked about our bedtime routine. You told me what you remember of yours as a child, and what you hope it will be for you and Julie in the future.

As children we didn't have a set routine, no special song we sang or one book read every night. Or if we did, I don't remember it. My mom and dad, books read, prayers said, it was enough of a routine just have them there every night. I felt so safe as a child, bedtime was comfort and warmth and love to me. I don't remember fighting or struggling with the night. Though I had an active mind and often stayed awake for a long time thinking. When I was older they would play a cassette for me and I would lay in bed listening to the familiar little tale of a Scottish firefly and the scared little girl who needed to know God was watching over her. I would call to my parents through the thin walls of our old house, to flip the tape so I could listen to it again and again. They were so patient, and even they knew those songs by heart. We sing them to Clara today.

Clara has always been a great little sleeper. She is almost excited and anxious to get into her crib while we are working through her bedtime routine. She lays down flat in her crib arms to her side, and waits to be tucked in. I give her a kiss and tell her Jesus loves her, and walk away quickly. We've done this regularly for a while now. Though she spent different parts of her first year waking up in the night she was always easy to put down.

She is starting to have different ideas about bedtime now. She understands that story time, the milk, the pacifier and the gentle rocking are all leading to that time alone in bed. Though she's clearly tired, she's fighting a little harder these days. She's like a child now. She asks for book after book, now that one, and this one, and that one again. She says "moon, moon" over and over. Good Night Moon. My family did not grow up with this book. So it's a bit of an oddity to me. It's sweet, but it's not sentimental to me at all, and I struggle through it 10 times a day. I liked it at first, but for Pete's sake, mush, and brush go to bed already. Clearly she loves it. So I will read it 1000 times a day if it pleases her.

Last night she was extra tired due to the time change, and our 5 am wake up. I laid her in bed; she looked back at me perfectly still, wide and waiting to be tucked in. I gave her a baby doll; she tucked dolly under her arm. I laid a fluffy pillow next to her head, and covered her with her softest receiving blanket she's started to attach to. Then I tucked her in with your handmade quilt. She ran her fingers through her wispy blonde hair like she has done since she's had enough hair to comb. I kissed her forehead and she stayed still while I said a little prayer. Every night is this special. Every night my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest with love and awe that this baby girl could be mine. Thank you Jesus, for this gift of motherhood.

Love,

Emily