Dear Jen, Deep of Winter

Dear Jen,

Though my heart and mind have been full of thoughts and letters for you, they take form in typo filled texts and loves of your Instagram feed. Is it presumptuous of me to assume you understand? Oh I think you do.

This season has been a whirly wind of baby, work, and responsibility. Without sounding too rainbows and roses, it's been a blessing of a year. This year I have grown in new ways, have been filled with pride, humbled, and found new love around every turn.

I wish I had more inspirationally beautiful pictures of smiling blue-eyed babies, and candid shots of us playing as a family in the snow to share. But my husband prefers my face to a lens these days, and I'm learning to oblige him. Most of the pictures I attempt these days resemble my life, a blur of a running baby, with my messy house in focus. The internet does not want that. Let us maintain the illusion that I keep a perfect home (though if you read this letter, you probably know this truth already).

Seeing you in pictures and video is like seeing a mirror of me and my girl one year ago. There is certainly an ache in my heart when I think of her 6 month old circular head, and easy squatty self. It was all cheeks to kiss, and bellies to tickle. I hope you are doing plenty of both.

We are deep in winter now. I find myself getting tired at 8:00, since the sun has been gone for 4 hours by then, and it feels right to slip into pj's and watch something uninspiring. The only reason I'm writing now, after 9:00 at night is because Dan convinced me to have a cup of coffee with him, and now he sleeps soundly on the couch. But when January first comes around, we all get that feeling like NOW is the time to change our ways. I'm trying not to get too excited about resolutions. We have a good three months until anything gets done up here in the frigid North. But I did get roped into running a half marathon in the spring. I'm not sure how I allowed peer pressure to get me to this point, but it really is enjoyable to set and meet a goal every single week. It makes me feel strong. And that IS a good thing.

I've been drawing a little everyday. Working on a little project, and seeing where it goes. I'm making something that has value to me, and my family. It fulfills my soul to have a little creative time everyday.  It will be something more someday.

What about you, friend?

Love,
Emily