Dear Jen, Dandelions and Dirt

Dear Jen,

Today, I'm ready for lunch at 9:45 in the morning. It's the kind of day that starts at 6, there has been breakfast, front porch play, back porch play, snack and nap by 9:30.

I had supermom plans to make the healthiest popsicles known to baby...and I think I certainly accomplished it. Beets, kale, apples, banana, strawberry. I took a quick taste, they taste like you'd probably expect: dirt and dandelions. They are horrible. Since Clara can regularly be found with dirt in her mouth, I might have a shot at these being received as a tasty snack.

Yesterday I caught Clara trying to eat a muddy rock. After we discarded it, Bella actually DID eat it. What? Who are these little ones of mine? How am I responsible for this? I do not model this behavior. But they provide a regular laugh. And as you are well aware, who knows what is to become of Bella's poor insides. She is most certainly still digesting as of late: one rock, one corn cobb, and one watermelon rind. Wish us luck with that.

Last night Clara cried for 10 minutes because I took her sandals off. It was a sign to her that the day was done, and outside play was over. Lately when I put her down at night and naps, she has the last word of negotiation, "wake up, go outside". It's not a question, it's a fact. Thank goodness for the cooperative weather, growing seeds, and ice cream dates. Summer has been a long time coming, and we are making use of every sunny minute of it.

Love,
Emily

Dear Jen, Away

Dear Jen,

Work. Clara. Life. I don't think I need to say much more about why I am not writing. Besides, you know already. We are not strangers.

So picture me now sitting on a balcony looking at the Atlantic ocean. It's 85 and partly sunny. I have spent the last 2 hrs trying to get Clara to take a nap. And I've given up, gave her toys in a hotel crib and am taking my minute to write you now. I wish it were on pen and paper rather than this iPhone screen. But it will have to do. I have needed this so much. This family time. Which we are, in all truth, much blessed with. We are a tight little family. Dan gets home early a lot of days. We sleep in somedays. We eat out together on a weekday. But all that time can still be consumed with phones and voicemails and that running to the next thing.

So we are just giving ourselves a break from the buzz in our minds. There is something so sweet when you are allowed to sit in chair and only think good and interesting and inspiring thoughts. I call that luxury thinking. When the contracts and dirty floors, they are no more and you can make plans for what to do with that unfinished painting.

There is so much sweetness in motherhood, wrapped in with all the chaos. They are intimately interwoven. I just forcefully buried my head in the bed from frustration, and moments later, she wrapped her arm around my neck and tells me, I love you, mommy with a sigh at the end.; as if she gets I'm at the end of all patience.

What a blessing to hear from a friend this week, that it yet again gets better. I thank God for that happy and encouraging mother's voice. This type of maternal voice is rare!! Don't stop talking about your babies like this. I'm saying this to myself too. Because I know some probably think I'm overly positive about parenting; I am not. I know the hard parts, the confusing parts, the I have no more words or patience parts. I see more of that to come. I hope I weather them well. I hope I'm calm and understanding of her little understanding. But I am still in awe everyday of nearly everything she does and says. I wish you could see her now, talking like a little lady.

This morning when she woke up in bed with us after 5 hrs of kicking me in the ribs. She said, " were'd paci go?" rolled on top of and over me, sighed deeply and said," oh mommy, i love you mommy, so pretty mommy (runs fingers through my hair ), sighs, I love you mommy, sighs". I'm like, I don't deserve this. I am not good enough for you, dear baby girl. But I am going to try to be.

Love Emily

Dear Jen, Thank you

Dear Jen,

In 10 days I turn 29. You sent me a package in the mail to remind me of, or rather, to celebrate my last year of youth.

 Did you know, I never planned on aging? I thought I would look young forever. I looked 18 for a long time. And then, I didn't anymore.

Time. It's a sneaky thing.

But I feel better than I did at 18. In body and mind. Thank God for that.

Someone told me that 29 is supposed to be the best year of your life. I think it's because you are so desperate to get things done before 30. Since my calendar is filling up with travel and work, my notebook is full of ideas, and my lap is filled with my blue eyed girl; I think 29 will be the best of years.

I'm going make sure of it.

Love,
Emily

Dear Jen, Deep of Winter

Dear Jen,

Though my heart and mind have been full of thoughts and letters for you, they take form in typo filled texts and loves of your Instagram feed. Is it presumptuous of me to assume you understand? Oh I think you do.

This season has been a whirly wind of baby, work, and responsibility. Without sounding too rainbows and roses, it's been a blessing of a year. This year I have grown in new ways, have been filled with pride, humbled, and found new love around every turn.

I wish I had more inspirationally beautiful pictures of smiling blue-eyed babies, and candid shots of us playing as a family in the snow to share. But my husband prefers my face to a lens these days, and I'm learning to oblige him. Most of the pictures I attempt these days resemble my life, a blur of a running baby, with my messy house in focus. The internet does not want that. Let us maintain the illusion that I keep a perfect home (though if you read this letter, you probably know this truth already).

Seeing you in pictures and video is like seeing a mirror of me and my girl one year ago. There is certainly an ache in my heart when I think of her 6 month old circular head, and easy squatty self. It was all cheeks to kiss, and bellies to tickle. I hope you are doing plenty of both.

We are deep in winter now. I find myself getting tired at 8:00, since the sun has been gone for 4 hours by then, and it feels right to slip into pj's and watch something uninspiring. The only reason I'm writing now, after 9:00 at night is because Dan convinced me to have a cup of coffee with him, and now he sleeps soundly on the couch. But when January first comes around, we all get that feeling like NOW is the time to change our ways. I'm trying not to get too excited about resolutions. We have a good three months until anything gets done up here in the frigid North. But I did get roped into running a half marathon in the spring. I'm not sure how I allowed peer pressure to get me to this point, but it really is enjoyable to set and meet a goal every single week. It makes me feel strong. And that IS a good thing.

I've been drawing a little everyday. Working on a little project, and seeing where it goes. I'm making something that has value to me, and my family. It fulfills my soul to have a little creative time everyday.  It will be something more someday.

What about you, friend?

Love,
Emily

Dear Jen, Work Week

Dear Jen,

I've been thinking lately about my job as a mother.

You probably hear from time to time that it's the 'hardest job in the world'. I disagree. Moms everywhere may kill me for saying so. It's likely because I have the best of all children in the world (and only one), but this job is seriously amazing. Though the beginning can be challenging on every level, it is still the very BEST I could ever hope for.

What do we asked from our careers? To be simulated, successful, fulfilled, rewarded.

Though I still have aspirations outside of motherhood, and I am blessed to work from home; right now, this mother gig is as so rewarding.

I realize that Dan has the harder job. When I leave for my work days, I know how much it hurts to be away. He has to leave his little love every morning. He comes home hearing how she's asked for him all day. "Dada?...No....Dada?....Nope", she shakes her head disappointed. And now, when I ask her where he is, she replies in a quiet voice, "eerk".

I am so thankful for this work, in this time, and grateful for Dan and his daily sacrifice.

Hoping you are having a wonderful work week.

Love,

Emily

Dear Jen, Good Night Moon.

Pictures from July 2012

Dear Jen,

You asked about our bedtime routine. You told me what you remember of yours as a child, and what you hope it will be for you and Julie in the future.

As children we didn't have a set routine, no special song we sang or one book read every night. Or if we did, I don't remember it. My mom and dad, books read, prayers said, it was enough of a routine just have them there every night. I felt so safe as a child, bedtime was comfort and warmth and love to me. I don't remember fighting or struggling with the night. Though I had an active mind and often stayed awake for a long time thinking. When I was older they would play a cassette for me and I would lay in bed listening to the familiar little tale of a Scottish firefly and the scared little girl who needed to know God was watching over her. I would call to my parents through the thin walls of our old house, to flip the tape so I could listen to it again and again. They were so patient, and even they knew those songs by heart. We sing them to Clara today.

Clara has always been a great little sleeper. She is almost excited and anxious to get into her crib while we are working through her bedtime routine. She lays down flat in her crib arms to her side, and waits to be tucked in. I give her a kiss and tell her Jesus loves her, and walk away quickly. We've done this regularly for a while now. Though she spent different parts of her first year waking up in the night she was always easy to put down.

She is starting to have different ideas about bedtime now. She understands that story time, the milk, the pacifier and the gentle rocking are all leading to that time alone in bed. Though she's clearly tired, she's fighting a little harder these days. She's like a child now. She asks for book after book, now that one, and this one, and that one again. She says "moon, moon" over and over. Good Night Moon. My family did not grow up with this book. So it's a bit of an oddity to me. It's sweet, but it's not sentimental to me at all, and I struggle through it 10 times a day. I liked it at first, but for Pete's sake, mush, and brush go to bed already. Clearly she loves it. So I will read it 1000 times a day if it pleases her.

Last night she was extra tired due to the time change, and our 5 am wake up. I laid her in bed; she looked back at me perfectly still, wide and waiting to be tucked in. I gave her a baby doll; she tucked dolly under her arm. I laid a fluffy pillow next to her head, and covered her with her softest receiving blanket she's started to attach to. Then I tucked her in with your handmade quilt. She ran her fingers through her wispy blonde hair like she has done since she's had enough hair to comb. I kissed her forehead and she stayed still while I said a little prayer. Every night is this special. Every night my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest with love and awe that this baby girl could be mine. Thank you Jesus, for this gift of motherhood.

Love,

Emily

Dear Jen, Student of Life

Dear Jen,


Someone asked me today if you were the only one who writes on this blog. Do I ever write back?  But we promised ourselves we'd write when we were moved, when we had something to say. I suppose that's today.

I'm not going to count the days and unanswered letters in between. But your thoughts have been mine. Your thankfulness for new mornings, your love of and desire for sleep, your hopes of routine and tradition, I nod as I read. I fail everyday, and start a resolution every morning. I'm sinking into deep winter sleeps, losing productivity while gaining renewal. I'm reflecting on every moment I spend with Clara, and wondering how it will affect her in the future.

That's the one that is moving my heart most often.

How am I shaping who she will become?

That's where so much of this self reflection stems from.

I have this little person, this student of life; my Clara.
She is watching me everyday. She is learning how to live life.

Will I be the person I want her to be?
Will I show her how to love and have patience and generosity?

Will I display a strong, confident and beautiful woman?
Am I the best example of a role model for my most precious gift?

These questions weigh heavy on my mind. They push me everyday to look inside my heart, to find what is not healthy, what is not beautiful, and to work it out of my life.

Do you find yourself working through anything like this?





Love,
Emily

Dear Jen, Welcome....

Dear Jen,

Welcome to my life.

Your last letter is right on target for me. I know we've talked it over a thousand times, probably too many times in this little correspondence, but we are so obviously in the middle of "creating ourselves."

I have those big plans like you do too. I want to be photographer, painter, ceramic artist, Graphic designer, crafter extraordinaire. I wish I were a yogi, triathlete, top selling agent, famous blogger. I want to be organized, and spontaneous, creative and stable. I wish I were well read, and witty, respected and the life of the party.

What I'm realizing lately, is that I'm a little bit of all of these things, but never going to be perfectly any of them. I'm trying to learn how to let go of some of the expectation and pressure I put on myself. I'm hoping to simplify my life a little by cutting out the excess, and focusing on the few things that really mean something.

So, I'm not a seamstress, and I'm cutting out silly crafts. I'm a simplest in the kitchen, and will admit my house is never going to be perfect or really that clean (ugh?). I'm humbled to realize I will never be the best dressed, and I cannot be a full studio artist in every sense of the word.

Though it's sad to say goodbye to some dreams; it's wildly freeing to say no to the things that don't mean much to me, and focus on the things that do. I'd rather be good at a few things than mediocre at everything.

So I'm saying welcome to my life, I'm hoping it will be a lot less cluttered.

Love,

Emily

My five minute take on the topic "welcome"
Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker's 5 minute Friday

Dear Jen, Year Two

Dear Jen,

I may have mentioned a time or two before; how Clara might be our only. We really don't know if there will be more children for us.

I held on to Clara's first year of life tight. Very possibly my only baby. I needed to experience every moment.

I didn't want that first year to end. Something in me told me after 12 months, it's all down hill. Or maybe it was the attitude and tone that other mothers take toward raising toddlers. I know where it comes from. The exhaustion, the busyness, I understand wanting those infant days back.

But then, I don't.

As sweet, and innocent and perfect as she was. As much as I wanted to stay at 5, and 9 and 11 months. I want to stay here. I want to have my little 15 month old forever. I want her to wake up every morning with the most loving and sincere, sing song call of "maaaamaaaa".
She is perfect right now. She will be perfect tomorrow.
Because I am her mama, I will always believe that.
She will never be a nuisance, she will be my delight every day.
I will give her the same adoration today as I did when she was my newest baby girl.
I feel that love in my heart just as strong as I did every day of that first year.

So know, dear friend, that even though she may throw her (organic, perfectly cooked) food, or learn how and when to use the word 'no', or pinch your loving arms, or wiggle extra with every messiest diaper; you will love her just the same.

And much more.

Because she will gain personality, and humor, she will learn something new everyday and she will love you.



Love,
Emily

Dear Jen, Grasp...

Dear Jen,

I'm grasping to every little, precious moment with my Clara. I'm grasping to keep her young and sweet and so in love with me. I'm afraid, so afraid, she'll turn into me someday. Turn into my ungrateful example of a daughter. My mother is the sweetest, most generous loving woman. I'm not as good to her as I hope Clara will be to me. I think about how I treated her as a middle schooler. I imagine how that must have felt as a mother. Clara rolling her eyes as me? God no, please don't let her be like me. I'm grasping to her perfection right now, loving who she is in all her sincerity. Hoping we can keep this bond, hoping I can be as good to her as my mother is to me.

I'm grasping to my individuality. Trying to find out who I am outside of mother and wife. Wanting to keep my creativity. Trying to do it all.

I'm grasping to my youth, my health, wanting my skin to be young, my body to be thin, to be 21; but never to have be that young again. Hoping I will age gracefully, but not looking forward to these next two birthdays.

I'm grasping on to God, and His love.
Grasping for His grace.
Knowing despite everything, I am enough for Him, enough for Clara, enough for Dan.

Love,
Emily


5 minutes of writing on the topic of "Grasp"
Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker

Dear Jen,

Dear Jen,

It's getting cooler here now. Our long summer, the longest I can ever remember is coming to a close. Even as today hits 79 and perfectly sunny. I can feel the autumn in the air. The nights are crisp and the days are filled with the cicada's buzz, it's almost deafening when you let yourself think about it. But the cold nights are making me curl up in our fuzzy blankets and fall asleep on the couch way too early. I'm settling into a lazy fall.

Did I tell you my Clara gives me hugs ALL DAY LONG? She says Mama, mama, in the sweetest most loving way and she hugs my neck and snuggles in. This is my favorite age so far... full of voluntary love and affection. Oh my heart melts with love for her.

Hoping you are having a beautiful September.
Wishing you and your family simple days filled with time together, as you get to know your little Julie. Hoping things are going smoother, and feeling more natural.

Love,
Emily

ten on ten: September

Dear Jen,

We had a great day here. As the weather turns to fall, we are bringing out the jeans, soaking in the sun, and taking longer walks. But this letter is focused on the pictures. So take a look at my day in 10 snapshots in 10 hours.



Love,
Emily

Linking up with a bit of sunshine's: Ten on Ten

Take a look at Jen's Ten on Ten 

Snuggles this morning after 15 month vaccines.

Pensive on our morning walk

We went to greet the horses

"please mom, I'm talking here"

One day I'll put that bow back on.

Dad gets the best giggles.

Mommy/ baby drink.

the usual.

my fortune tonight. pretty ironic

painting today.

Dear Jen

Dear Jen,

Do you ever struggle with self doubt?

I've been dealing with a strange combination of confidence and doubt. All summer I've felt a distinct surge in motivation and confidence. I've had a deep desire to be fulfilled creatively, and to have success in my career. I worked and worked and created something I'm proud of in my art. I'll look it over and be pleased, and know there are improvements to be made. But I feel satisfaction and pride in what I've accomplished.

Then doubt creeps in.

It's not just in art. It's in work, and parenting, and relationships. There is this pattern of confidence and success, and simultaneous apprehension and feelings of insufficiency.

It's as if I feel I don't deserve to be sure of myself. I cannot bare rejection.

The real question is, why do I care? Who is it that I am so worried about? Whose opinion is so important to me?

So I'm working on:

Keeping the confidence God is giving me.

Deciding I deserve it.

Not comparing myself to everyone.

Seeing myself through God's eyes.

Learning to move forward and accomplish something.

Finding my bravery, so I can have a little adventure in my life.

Love,
Emily

Dear Jen

Dear Jen,

I have about 5 letters to reply to here. I think I'll just hit the big one. Friendship.

I have struggled with friendship for so long now. I have been a notoriously absent friend. I make friends with people who don't need me. I keep friendships with people who are easy to get along with and put little stress on my life. I am absolutely a selfish friend.

I think it started for me with meeting my best friend at 14. Meeting Dan so young meant I didn't need female friendships like most girls. At times, my lack of girlfriends has been a strain on our relationship. It put pressure on him to be everything to me. 

I still don't connect well to women. Not in that, "all my friends are guys" kind of a way. I'm just intensely shy and guarded with my heart. 

I remember when you and I first became friends. You were not my typical friend. You wanted be together as much as possible, and know all about me. Do you remember it took me a few years to warm up? 

So learning how to make and keep friends, how to treat them, and how to love them; it's something I'm learning about too. I don't want a multitude of friends. I would like to keep a handful of the good ones. 

I will probably not be the friend that comes over to clean your toilet. But I'm working on generosity in friendship. I want to be a blessing to my friends. I want sincere women in my life, not competition and jealousy. 

Thank you for being a friend that reaches out to me. A friend who challenges me to be a real friend and shares in the important parts of life, not just the easy parts.

I wish I could be there for you, to bring you dinner and hold your Julie.

But for now, Skype and letters will have to do.

Love,

Emily

Dear Jen

Dear Jen,

I know you are having your own personal battle with nursing right now. I get that, I really do. Even if it starts easy, they can change so quickly, get better again, be impossible, then wonderful. Nursing is not always the easy path. What you have done for your little Julie is so important for her. No matter how long it lasts, it is so special. I'm thinking of you, and praying it gets better.

I've had my own struggles with weaning. Clara has always been the type of kid who could care less how she got her milk, or where it came from, or what it tasted like, or what temp it was. She's just not a picky kid. So weaning was pretty much a cinch. She was thrilled about the endless supply of cows milk, and it happened naturally. When she started walking, I just couldn't keep her still for long enough to nurse. So it happened, and I had little to say about it.

It made me so sad. I actually googled post-weaning depression. It exists of course. I even considered relactation. Is my crazy really coming out now? So I've gained weight, lost that special bond, and had a mood downer. I've pulled myself out of it pretty well. But I feel a jealous twinge in my heart when I hear other kids her age are still nursing 10 times a day. But then, there is freedom, and she is happy, and we are busy. We nursed for 14 months. How could I really be upset about that? I am finally needing less coffee. I'm down to a 1/2 cup a day from my 2 cups I've been pulling for the last year. It's good to not be dependent on that anymore. Eating 1800-2000 calories a day has been awfully fun, but MyFitnessPal is becoming my friend again, 'cause seeing 1 lb/day add up on the scale is really frightening.

So for the first time in almost 2 years, I am not pregnant or nursing. It's a bit of a lonely feeling. But she kisses me without prompt, and says thank you, runs to me with open arms, and hugs my legs. So, lonely is relative. I am blessed, and full of all this love for her. That bond is not gone, it was solidified the moment we met. No nursing or lack of nursing will take that away.

Love,
Emily

Dear Jen,

I liked your quote from last week, and thought it needed to be properly displayed. Print it out at home on white cardstock, with a white frame and mat. It should fit perfectly in an 8x10.

Love,
Emily

Watercolor Texture

Photo Credit

Dear Jen,

Home is such a special place, and hard to leave when you have a newborn. But it is good for your soul and sanity to force those outings. I'm so glad you're getting to know your city. I've been watching Naomi Davis and her family move back to NYC. It makes me curious and dreamy to imagine living there again. Then reality sneaks in and you realize it's not dreamy at all. I love NY, but I don't think it would work for our little family. I want Clara to have a yard. We are such introverts, I know we wouldn't last long. Plus we have SO MUCH STUFF!

We have been making daily trips to the library. Clara holds my hand as we walk in, wide eyed, she heads straight for the kids computer, of course. She loves it there, and we get 3 new books a day. So the answer to your question, "Have you read anything noteworthy lately? Maybe something easy and happy or something that makes me feel smarter... " I read I am a Bunny to Clara 10 times a day. It's happy, but it doesn't make you feel smarter. Lately I've read The Help, and am  half way through an out loud read, Laura Hillenbrand's, Unbroken. I like both. 

But casual reading isn't really my thing right now. Over the years I have enjoyed listening to audiobooks. You know I am a big fan of the classics and free things, so Librivox is genius for me. It's a catalog of free audiobooks in the public domain. I love it particularly because people volunteer to read out loud. It's such a beautiful thing, people all over the world, reading the classics to each other. I love downloading a zip file and throwing it in my ipod to find an Australian woman reading me something like Anna Karenina. I love everything by Jane Austen, Thomas Hardy, and the Brontë Sisters. I read Little Women last summer. Oh I just loved it. It was a little silly in places, but I could overlook that. I'm just not current....go over to E Tells Tales.  I trust her list of must reads. 

I am currently using a Bible App for the Iphone for my quiet moments when I'm doing my makeup or folding laundry or painting. I use the audio component, I like the voice that reads to me, smooth with slight drama. It's one of the only ways I can get in my daily scripture.

And for full disclosure, the most exciting read of the year was The Hunger Games. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but Dan and I both loved it, and it was a great read aloud. We went to see the movie on opening night. We had just finished the series that week. We DID NOT KNOW what we were in for. I had no idea it was teen girl phenomenon. There were girls crying and squealing through the whole thing. We were slightly horrified. The movie is not fantastic, but the books were.

Wishing you a happy weekend.

Love,

Emily

Dear Jen,

Are you exhausted and always busy, but not always fulfilled? I know. I've been there. I'd like to say I'm not there right now, that it passes. But I think life as a mother to these little ones is always a bit frazzled. I remember when you were pregnant and we were talking about how I'd taught myself a good deal of graphic design, you said you'd learn it when you had a more time as a mother to a newborn. I smiled a quiet smile, and tucked away that thought for later. When Clara was an infant, there were so many naps, but never enough time to be creative. I'd beg Dan to watch her for a few hours while I'd run upstairs and sew something frantically, or write a quick post and edit picture rather than take a shower. Finding time is so hard. Finding energy is even harder. Sometimes you want to fill those free minutes with the most frivolous TV show, jcrew.com window shopping, or Skype with a long distance friend. Those things are still important. Being productive is not always the end goal right now. It's being fulfilled. Can you sketch and plan and read? Can you make things in your mind? I did that a lot. I had ideas and dreams, and my mind was active and creative. I didn't give up on myself, and now, occasionally I have a little time and enough energy to do a thing or two for myself, and now and then there is something productive at the end of the day. Does that give you any hope?

Love,

Emily

Dear Jen,

Packages from friends are so special. I was wrapping up my own little, late package for you and your Julie today. There is always so much more I want to do before I send it out. More little touches I want to add to the special things I  am sending your way.

I know how you feel about that carpe diem feeling. I am there big time right now. Feeling like every nap is a race to get my chores done, put my hours (minutes) in for work, and BE CREATIVE. That one is calling me big time.

The logic of, If I don't draw, I die. Is very real with me. Our style and process are so different, but I think our urgency is the same. I am committing myself to starting a business. August is for renewal, not just making plans, but accomplishing goals. I want to start an Etsy shop. I hope you're not eye rolling too much over there.

I have so much I want to make. It's not like art school though, it's not just making and making and no product. I want to start with the product and make and make and have a customer and get it out there. Do you relate to this at all? I have to get over myself and move forward with doing. I'm so judgemental. About sold "art". I'm always thinking, that is not good, or I could do better, or how are they so successful? Well they did it! They believed in themselves rather than just watching and critiquing others silently. How many times have I been told I should sell this or that, and I think, it's not ready. Well it's never going to be ready, and I'm never going to get anywhere if I don't start now. By end of August, I want one product complete. I think that's doable. And exciting. There are a lot of changes going on around here, things I'll tell you about another time, but this one is big in my heart, and I hope you support me in it.

Tell me what you want to make. Have any sketches to share?

The above is a snippet from a fabric I'm designing, nothing to sell, just to keep my creative mind busy.


Love,

Emily

Dear Jen,

If you haven't already discovered it (and I think you probably have), when you're a new mom, the smallest things can seem so special. For me, it was an afternoon, maybe 2.5 hours by myself, a haircut, heels, and eating chipotle alone. Does that sound pathetic? It was quiet and simple and independent. I love spending my days with Clara, but doing a few errands by myself is so freeing and easy. I love wearing heels, but it feels pretty irresponsible to wear 4.5 inch heels while carrying a 1 year old around town. So it's almost always boat shoes or flip flops these days. Remember our college days, when I would wear belly exposing shirts and heels to studio? I was a silly girl. You can take my belly shirts, but heels will always be in my life.

Love,

Emily